• death,  Grief,  life,  Love,  Motherhood

    Good Grief

    Every now and then some spirit of orderliness descends upon me and I tear up some corner or cranny of our house to take an inventory and reorganize it. Today the boxes of old notes and new stationary lured me in so I pulled them out from under my bed to sort. Before long I found myself scanning through the cards and letters for her familiar marks. My mom used a heart to end exclamation points and she mixed in cursive with her rounded print. She didn’t write a ton so what I have is essentially unicorn hair. The truth is some part of me is always searching for her…

  • Family,  Grief,  life,  Love,  Motherhood

    Lipstick Legacy

    I have it now; this little blue mug that says “MOM” on it all uneven like it was mass printed and sold for last minute gift-buyers on Mother’s Day sometime in the 80s. Maybe my Dad got it for her from me, their new baby, between sleep deprived shifts at one of his several jobs and maybe it made her cry the way you do when you’ve earned something that has not been easy. Mornings were quiet in our little cabin. Dad needed to sleep after his swing shift and Mom readied herself in the early, dark hours to join the other commuters on 101 by sunrise. Sometimes she would…

  • Family,  life,  Love,  Motherhood

    When Your Children Say, "We Got You"

    I did a scary thing. I auditioned for a show in which you read the words you wrote. Like, in front of people. On a stage. And before you can do that you read it in front of the showrunners who decide if your piece fits. And when you go to do this you sit outside the audition room with your printed copies and you make small talk with the other people auditioning and you have to tell them that this is your second time trying to do it which makes you feel like a loser even though you told yourself all the right (and true) things about how rejection…

  • life,  Motherhood

    My Little Man

    I’m a new mother. Again. Because every new child makes me over – I am four babies redone now and it gets no less remarkable every time. Today as I changed one of probably 300 diapers in the past two months, I began to see my little son as who he might become. “Will you be an artist?” I asked him, “A doctor? A construction worker?” I laughed at the thought of a big hard helmet on his soft little head. But soon my thoughts landed on what I really hope for, what I will actually care about when he’s an adult. “Will you be kind? Will you love well? Will…

  • Christian Teaching,  Family,  life

    There was a school shooting…

    There was a school shooting near my home today. Not many details have been released, but there was a school shooting near my home today. Parents – friends – received automated voice messages from the school district informing them that their children were on lockdown. News footage covered the school like it’s covered so many – too many – before. There are cliches around this now; how did that happen? A friend of mine texted me a link to a news article while I was plunked down at the YMCA getting some work done, my babies safely playing mere feet away from me in the child watch, oblivious to the absolute…

  • life

    What I Should've Told the Lady at Target

    After 9pm, a mysterious presence is found at your local Target. If you find yourself wandering over the red and white tiles, you may notice a strange and specific creature emerge from the depths of the cosmetic section or take slow, mindless steps between walls of throw pillows. It is the Hour of Kidless Moms: a species which feels supremely comfortable in the Red Spot – evidenced by their apparent lack of aesthetic concern in their attire and the day-old mascara which they don under hastily arranged hair. A breed known for brain fog and lowered inhibitions, Kidless Moms are the gold mine demographic for Target. These are the women…

  • Birth,  Homebirth,  life,  Pregnancy

    Northwest Woman's Bun in the Oven Overcooked

    November 14, 2037 SPOKANE, WA – An unusual story out of the Inland Northwest has surfaced this week after a 50-year-old woman was discovered pregnant during a visit to urgent care for a sprained ankle. While her age makes the pregnancy peculiar, the truly remarkable part of her gestation is its length. The woman, Krysann Sedberry, has been expecting for the last 20 years. In 2017, Sedberry and her husband were excited to find that they would welcome their fourth child in November of that year. November came and went, however, and as each month followed, the couple questioned whether or not they were pregnant at all. “By Christmas, we…