• Christian Teaching,  Family,  life

    There was a school shooting…

    There was a school shooting near my home today. Not many details have been released, but there was a school shooting near my home today. Parents – friends – received automated voice messages from the school district informing them that their children were on lockdown. News footage covered the school like it’s covered so many – too many – before. There are cliches around this now; how did that happen? A friend of mine texted me a link to a news article while I was plunked down at the YMCA getting some work done, my babies safely playing mere feet away from me in the child watch, oblivious to the absolute…

  • life

    What I Should've Told the Lady at Target

    After 9pm, a mysterious presence is found at your local Target. If you find yourself wandering over the red and white tiles, you may notice a strange and specific creature emerge from the depths of the cosmetic section or take slow, mindless steps between walls of throw pillows. It is the Hour of Kidless Moms: a species which feels supremely comfortable in the Red Spot – evidenced by their apparent lack of aesthetic concern in their attire and the day-old mascara which they don under hastily arranged hair. A breed known for brain fog and lowered inhibitions, Kidless Moms are the gold mine demographic for Target. These are the women…

  • Birth,  Homebirth,  life,  Pregnancy

    Northwest Woman's Bun in the Oven Overcooked

    November 14, 2037 SPOKANE, WA – An unusual story out of the Inland Northwest has surfaced this week after a 50-year-old woman was discovered pregnant during a visit to urgent care for a sprained ankle. While her age makes the pregnancy peculiar, the truly remarkable part of her gestation is its length. The woman, Krysann Sedberry, has been expecting for the last 20 years. In 2017, Sedberry and her husband were excited to find that they would welcome their fourth child in November of that year. November came and went, however, and as each month followed, the couple questioned whether or not they were pregnant at all. “By Christmas, we…

  • Baby Berry,  Family,  Grief,  life,  Motherhood,  Pregnancy

    It's a Boy! (dammit)

    So. I’m pregnant. And full disclosure: I really wanted another girl. I wanted our eldest to have a sister to relate to, I loved the idea of my two boys being bookmarked with a little less testosterone, but mostly? I wanted another little girl to share in the thing my mom and I had. She used to buy this terribly amazing ice cream that had actual Butterfinger swirled into it. It was like our emergency fire extinguisher: we broke the glass for mean girls and stupid boys and post-fight-make-ups and really bad period cramps. Two spoons, one tub, no shame. We’d sit in her bed with our comfort food and…

  • Christian Teaching,  Community,  Grief,  hope,  life

    How to Take Communion (whether or not you're a Christian)

    As my faith has shifted I have become underwhelmed with much of my tradition. I’ve hodge-podged new rituals out of other practices and looked in dusty nooks of this one for meaningful expressions of a spirituality that no longer fits in the boxes I was given. But one ritual has never lost it’s mystery to me. Even when I couldn’t really consider myself a Christian I appreciated communion. Because this is Christianity’s addition to the universal groaning. Not a religious rite for the “in” crowd, but a deeply human, bestial cry. This is our admission that things are not as they should be, that we are broken and bleeding and…

  • life

    Blue Sky Tag Challenge

    I was nominated to do the Blue Sky Tag Challenge by Dedra Davis whose blog is full of all kinds of encouraging posts and beautiful pictures. Check her out! 1. How long have you been blogging? For about a decade…. Which is insane. Though the vast majority of that time has been very casually and often sparingly. 2. Where do you blog/write most often? Currently at the desktop in my living room. Which makes it hard during the day when the kids are… needing things… 3. What have you learned about yourself since you began blogging? So much… Blogging is sort of the tip of the iceberg of the writing I do and through…

  • Beauty,  Christian Teaching,  life,  Love

    The Gospel According to Wonder Woman

    Oh my gosh, see Wonder Woman. Like, close this window, buy a ticket, go. to. it. now. Done? Great. (Otherwise: major spoiler alert!) So holy crap, right?! The scene in No Man’s Land? GAH! The marketing team at Wonder Woman know what they are doing. Because they released this video wherein Gal Gadot (and honestly, what better name could Wonder Woman have than that?) gushes about her daughter and how playing a female super hero is so important to her and hints that Wonder Woman has a uniquely female approach to super-heroing and shows that she really honors the impact this will have on other little girls and cue the tears.…

  • Community,  Family,  Grief,  hope,  life,  Love

    On the First Anniversary

    People talk about the first year as though crossing that threshold is a thing. I used to hate it because it felt like there was an expectation that a person would be done grieving after a year. But I don’t think that’s it. I think it’s actually a hope for comfort. As if once you’ve made it a year, you will keep making it. You’ve proven to yourself that you can breathe, you can laugh, you can enjoy being her daughter even when she isn’t here the way she should be. One year ago, on June 19 my mother took her last breath. I waited up with the rest of…

  • death,  Grief

    The Fear of Feeling Okay

    A little more than a year ago, in the weeks and months just after my mom died, I remember feeling desperately afraid. Not of death, not of never coming out of the darkness, but of someday feeling fine. I was scared to feel normal again. I’ve read that grief is an extreme form of separation anxiety and I buy it. Our dog had separation anxiety and when we left the house he would freak-the-eff out. He broke dishes, he peed, he threw his body against the door. He lost all sense of reality, all he could see was our absence. That’s grief. The world has become a place you’re not…