• Birth,  Family,  life,  Love,  Motherhood

    Highest Hope

    I gave birth to her on the floor of the Birth Center – right outside the tub where I thought I might die, where I hated her from a reserve of fury I didn’t know existed, where I’d cursed the moment of conception which had brought me to this agony. She came quickly. Her eyes were steely blue, her lips resembled a rosebud, her chubby olive cheeks were too kissable to resist, and she smelled like Heaven. I am convinced. If there is a Heaven and if it has a smell it is that one. The midwife handed her to me and I don’t think she even reached my chest before…

  • Birth,  Homebirth,  Love,  Motherhood

    Prize Fighter

    My hair was knotted, my abdomen still too weak to hold me upright, and I was bleeding as I stepped into┬áthe most comfortable and undignified part of the Postpartum Mother’s uniform – the adult diaper. He held out his hand to help me out of the bathtub with a gentle touch and I felt fragile. I felt like a brittling petal, my movements were careful and slow. I was studying the floor for places to put my feet when I heard him smile as he said, “You’re so beautiful.” I was wearing a diaper, y’all. I did the head-tilt, the scoff of incredulity, the “thanks, weirdo” smile, but he wouldn’t…

  • Breastfeeding,  Motherhood,  Poems

    Nursling

      He’s got this way of breathing Shallow, hallow, still. His fingers curl repeating Tight’ning, fighting will. His eyes are slowly closing Drift up, drift down, shut. His latch is loose and lazy Mouth set, forget – up. His forehead is now sweating Sleep’s cue, due for rest. My baby, he is napping And he fills his mother’s chest.  

  • Birth

    Day of the Midwife

    Today is International Day of the Midwife. I like how kind of archaic it sounds. Because midwifery is an ancient art, a tradition passed down from the first messy birth. So today I want to honor those women who do this thing. This up-all-night thing. This hold-our-hand thing. Today I want to make sure that those women know how valued they are. Midwifery means to me… …jokes and laughs after a 5 minute check-up on the totally normal thing that is pregnancy. …tight hugs and calm words for the darkest moments of early motherhood. …a loving, stern reminder that “babies come when they’re ready” and to “stop googling.” …prayers over…

  • Family,  Love,  Motherhood,  Uncategorized

    That's My Boy!

    Oh, she took my heart like the sweetest thief. I didn’t stand a chance once that blue-eyed, olive skinned, miniature me came into this world and clutched my chest while she studied me. It was instant. That girl was my world. Then when the struggle came we worked back to that joy through awkward growing pains and contrarian emotions. When we had RJ my role as a woman became a central theme in my day-to-day story. I studied and prayed and pondered what it meant to be the final work we would be molding our adorable bit of clay into. Woman. Wifemotherfriendsistermentorstudentjesusloverartisthomemaker… I spend a lot of time intentionally and…