• Family,  life,  Love,  Motherhood

    When Your Children Say, "We Got You"

    I did a scary thing. I auditioned for a show in which you read the words you wrote. Like, in front of people. On a stage. And before you can do that you read it in front of the showrunners who decide if your piece fits. And when you go to do this you sit outside the audition room with your printed copies and you make small talk with the other people auditioning and you have to tell them that this is your second time trying to do it which makes you feel like a loser even though you told yourself all the right (and true) things about how rejection…

  • life,  Motherhood

    But first, this.

    I am at the YMCA and I am using the child watch shamelessly because we pay for it and even though I have no intention of exercising today (ha! it’s sweet that you thought that, though) I am going to use my two hours for something good. I have lots of deep thoughts to write about, lots of drafts I could go back to, lots of things I want to chew on, words as teeth, keystrokes like jaw bones, but first this. First, I’m going to soak up this moment alone in an uncomfortable chair by the window drinking coffee I didn’t make next to a perfectly unassuming purse which…

  • God,  Love,  Motherhood

    Grapes of Fury

    He gets it from me. Maybe I gave it to him on accident, through the genetic concoction which gave him those gorgeous brown eyes and that caramel skin. Or maybe he saw me do it when I’ve failed the resistance against my tendencies. When I’m hurting deep I get angry and look for something (or someone) to blame. I look for a place to land my blows. I’ve got 27 years on him and I still throw tantrums. That night he took issue with my placement of grapes on his plate. It was during another dinner far from his table, far from his dad and his dog and the place he calls “home” from the…

  • Family,  Love,  Motherhood,  Worship

    Why I Haven't Learned French Yet (well… part of it anyway)

    The day started earlier than I had hoped, with less sleep than I needed to precede it. And the whining has begun already – before the coffee, before the centering – before even the thought of centering. And she is eating Halloween candy before 9am and he is diaper-only because of spilled milk and the coffee is lukewarm and half full. And Doc McStuffins commands more respect than I do so she will probably make an appearance before too long. So these little people are a lot. And sometimes they are too much. But when I chance-glanced the cheap and pretty little journal I designated for my 1,000 Gifts Challenge…

  • Family,  Love,  Motherhood,  Uncategorized,  Worship

    Goodnight, Children

    It’s that time of night when he is fighting sleep like a little warrior. Mission: stay awake forever. Tactic: gain sympathy. He will give in with pathetic whimpers of defeat as he falls into whatever babies dream about. And it’s that time of night when I let the Mommy settle a little. Netflix streams, junk food reigns, the fairy that gets this place tidy sometimes makes an appearance, and I cozy into the quiet. This is the time I get to process the day; even if that is by not thinking at all. And on good days and bad; the days she wouldn’t listen at.all, the days he won’t let…

  • Family,  Home,  Motherhood

    Bessie

    We got a minivan. I tried to resist it because… I don’t know… I think I’m a hip 20-something? {Not sure which I think is hipper: falling asleep watching The Office with Gabe or taking a few extra minutes in the shower and calling it a vacation} But I’m two kids in now and we are hoping (praying) to acquire more by various means in the near future so having one tiny car was not going to cut it anymore. That car is for 20-somethings. You can fit lots of hipsters in it, but 2 car seats is reeeally pushing it. So we searched and asked God to provide a…